Official-ish Support Portal

Bother Nat Helpdesk

Since apparently every problem on Earth is now your problem, this form allows people to submit their chaos properly. The issue will be emailed to tech@nathanial.uk, where it can join the queue of bad decisions.

Your name

Your email

Category Choose the flavour of nonsense

Urgency Please lie responsibly

Subject Example: “My password has unionised”

What happened?

Add evidence Optional, but very helpful when the machine is allegedly possessed

Before you unleash this ticket

Please complete the ancient support ritual. Yes, all of it.

I have tried turning it off and on again. This remains embarrassingly effective.

I have read the error message instead of spiritually resisting it. If the computer literally told you what is wrong, that is useful information.

I will submit one ticket, not also message on WhatsApp, Teams, email, and carrier pigeon. One channel. One cry for help. We are trying to remain civilised.

Tick the checklist to unlock the mighty submit button.

Before Submitting

This system is intentionally basic. It is not ServiceNow. It is not Jira. It is one tired person's attempt to impose order on nonsense.

Step 1: Check whether the cable is actually plugged in.
Step 2: Verify the issue is not being caused by vibes.
Step 3: If a printer is involved, accept that dark forces may be at work.
Step 4: Submit one clear ticket, not seven follow-up messages across three platforms.